A few weeks back, I lamented the death of my pet spider, Hugo, and I wondered what might have killed him. One of my thoughts was that he met another spider who was just a bit bigger and nastier than he was, and they had a bit of a spider-rumble. But Hugo was a pretty big guy, and I couldn’t imagine any spider hanging out in my house who was all that much bigger than Hugo.
Then I went away to the states for a few weeks. Upon my return I discovered that, not only was there a ginormous humungo Godzilla-spider hanging out in my bathtub, but he was acting like he owned the place!
I think I found Hugo’s killer!
I eyed him accusingly but he just snarled back. Well, this bathroom was not big enough for the both of us. So I left. I mean this guy was really big! Upon throwing a ruler near him I determined that his wing-span broke 6.5 inches. I did try to photograph him (with a telephoto from half a mile away. I didn’t want to get anywhere near this thing). I apologize that the photo is so bad that it is hard to see how damn large this thing was. But believe me, he could have eaten a large rodent.
I knew that I had to find a way to eliminate this demon-spawn. I thought about an exorcism, but not being religious – yet still being frightened to death when I watched the exorcist, I decided that this was not the right approach.
I armed myself with some serious heavy ammunition – all the shoes I owned. I stood out in the hallway, a good distance from the beast, and catapulted the shoes in his direction. After the first shell landed right next to him, he knew he was under attack. He scampered to the other side of the bathtub. Ha! Unfortunately he still had a spider-sized brain, and he did not realize that the other side of the bathtub was much easier for me to hit. With the second shell (my old hiking book) I fired and squashed him flat. I waited for a few minutes to see if he was planning on throwing the boot back at me. But after a few more minutes I determined that he really was deceased.
So it was that I avenged the death of Hugo.
Right now I am off in Ireland for a few more weeks. I'm wondering what new monster is going to be living in my house when I get back.